The risk of running a few tears

sigh...
I sometimes envy other people...
people who love something...anything...girlfriend, boyfriend, playstation, car, books...anything...
at least these people are attached to something...
and they have great emotional bonds with these things...
practically, they can die if they don't have these things with them...
it is them being 'tamed' (quote from little prince) by the things that they loved...
it is this sense of attachment that I don't have...
sure, I like some stuff like books, music, girls...and other things...
but...there is no strong emotional bond...
I'll survive without them...they are 'disposable'...
I don't know why...but it's just the way I am...
or maybe I don't allow myself to be emotionally attached to anything...
because I'm scared that in the end...it will go away or broken down...and it'll break my heart....
maybe it is this emotional disability that restrict me from falling in love...
the paranoia that someday, sometime...it will be over...and that I can't bear the loss...
once in a while, my friends ask me why I never look for a girlfriend...
I just laugh it off...'cos the truth is...I do look for a girlfriend...but when I found one, I never pursue it...
because that fear is there...that one day it will be over and she and I will be hurt...
like in 'The Little Prince'...when you let yourself be tamed...you have the risk of running a few tears...
You might think that I'm a coward or a loser...well, maybe I am...but that's me...
and the sad part is I don't want it...I want to be able to love...and be loved...
and to have something that I can hold on to and say 'I love it/her/you/anything'...
there was none...