Cruel betrayal...

have you ever feel betrayed by anyone ?
betrayed in any sense...people cheat on you, they reveal your secrets, anything...
how does it feel ? I know it hurts but there's got to be something deeper than that...
dissapointment or even pure hatred...
I think we all have been betrayed in one way or another...
well, at least I have...
you know sometimes you have a beautiful picture and image from your siblings or parents...
it's like you are living in a perfect family...everything sweet and nice...
and when you are a little kid you'll have this notion that everything will turn out to be like that in the future...
I know it's a stupid or foolish dream but hey, who doesn't think that way when you are a little kid...
but then when you grow up you start to see the real picture...
the fight behind doors...the father seeing other woman...the awkward silent during dinner...the tears...
and when that happens, your entire perfect picture is shattered...gone...
is that a betrayal ? is the parents betray our picture of a perfect family ?
well, maybe not, since nobody is perfect...it's the real world after all...
but then when I experienced it, I did feel betrayed...not because they fight and all but because they were too coward to admit it...
sometimes they fight in the midle of the night...when they think that me and bro is already sleeping...well, they think...
I listened most of the times...I tried to sleep but couldn't...
and I hate them for that...for the trivial and stupid things that they blew up and fight about...
I hate them because of the stupid things that they did...and the hell I lived for 4 years...
I felt like scolding them...but what can a 13 year-old do back then ?
I could only kept them to myself and bury them deep...
although now it's ok but I know that starting from that time...my picture of a family has been torn...
you don't just marry someone, f*** her, have kids and live happily ever after...
there's down time...plenty of them...and sometimes you can't hold on...
and what can a kid do...? we are just victims..maybe that's why I don't have a really close connection with my family...
maybe that's why I don't want to be married...
maybe that's why I don't want to grow up...
because growing up means becoming like them...
the adults that I hate...
so why bother ?
why bother at all ?