Losing it

the fear of losing control
of my own body
(the only thing that doesn't come with a price tag)
of not being able to move at my every whim and desire
of not being able to cut lose any baggage from the mind's attic
and sail free
of not being able to dream
a painter's masterpiece
of not being able to run and let the wind catches me
on its tailwind
of not being able to know what the world has to offer when
every door has been closed
of not being able to just stand still and breath the night air
to lose dominance of my own fragile body over some white hash or cloud of puff
of not being able to be just
me
to be free